Reflections on forgiveness
Forgiveness can be something incredibly challenging for most people. Most people (including me) have faced situations that they find incredibly difficult to let go of.
I’m sure you’ve faced incredibly tough times and people, probably close to you have hurt you. So I wanted to share my thoughts on the subject.
What is forgiveness anyway?
I used to think forgiveness meant I had to be ok with what a person did in order to move on. But as I have matured, and my perception on the world has shifted, I have realised that forgiveness is a shift that happens within. To me, forgiveness is about allowing ourselves to move on from someone, or something they did without constantly re-attaching ourself back again. It’s letting go of the resentment, the hurt and the pain. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you accept someone’s hurtful actions, but rather that you are willing to move on. It’s a gift to yourself.
Have you found that when you re-hash a certain event or things people said that hurt you, that you just get angrier and angrier? And then you realise one day, that you are just angry all the time? That’s what happens when you live in a constant state of holding on to your pain.
Forgiveness is about not constantly torturing yourself and living in the past. The more we live in the past, the more we rob ourselves of the joy and presence of the current moment.
Some suggestions
If you feel you need to forgive someone or ask for forgiveness from someone that you are unable to face (or they have passed away for example), you can do this in an energetic way. A few suggestions are:
write a letter expressing your feelings, and then burn it. Intend when you burn it, that you are releasing any emotions tied up to this situation / person. And let them go (as much as you can).
work on forgiveness with a therapist or counsellor. Talk therapy is great helping you to work out actions and behaviours.
work on forgiveness with an energy worker. Holding on to anger and charged emotions can live in our body causing blockages. Releasing anger makes way for the space for forgiveness. Things like Reiki and Sound therapy can help make these shifts.
do a forgiveness meditation. There’s some great forgiveness meditations you can find online on Spotify, Insight timer, etc
do some forgiveness affirmations. Say them out loud. Again, find one that resonates with you online. Or write your own.
Forgiving yourself
Forgiveness isn’t just about letting go of holding on to the pains of others’ actions and words. It’s also about some less than ideal things we have done ourselves. We are all growing and expanding as human beings. And let’s be honest, there’s probably things we aren’t the most proud of. Sometimes we are aware of our own actions and words and the impact they have on others; and sometimes we aren’t. If you are one of those people who has self-awareness and is wiling to grow, I commend you. Well done on trying to be better today than you were yesterday.
But it’s important that you let go of the bonds of self-resentment, wallowing in pity and being so hard on yourself. Allow yourself to forgive yourself for your past deeds and words. Promise yourself you will be better today and tomorrow and take some positive action towards being a better human being.
If you need to, and it’s appropriate, you can confront any persons who may have hurt and ask for forgiveness. If you do this, know that the other person may not be ready to forgive, and that’s ok. It’s their decision. You have done incredibly well for reaching out. Forgive yourself anyway, and live life being a better person.
Remember that forgiveness is a process that takes time and effort. It doesn’t alway imply reconciliation or forgetting what happened, but it can lead to a journey of compassion, understanding and healing, allowing you to live a fuller life.
