Why Self-love isn’t just bubble baths & face masks
When you hear the phrase "self-care," what comes to mind? If you picture floating in a bubble bath or applying a 10-step skincare routine, you’re not alone.
Now don’t get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with treating yourself to a spa day. But if you are constantly pushing, striving, and holding yourself to impossibly high standards, and meeting yourself with harsh criticism whenever you fall short, a bubble bath isn't going to change that. True shifts in self-love happens when you shift from temporary, aesthetic treats to deep, heart-focused love. Softening your inner critic, slowing down, and honouring what your heart and soul actually need.
Making that shift and tuning in to your deep core needs can actually be confronting. You might feel it’s too hard to do, which is why you may not have gone down that path before. But trust me, it’s worth it! 💫
The difference between pampering and self-love
Aesthetic self-care is about soothing your senses in the present moment. It offers brief relief, but it leaves your underlying inner critic intact because you are not truly attending to your heart’s needs.
Deep, heart-centred self-love is about reconnecting with the truth of who you are, and honouring that. It transforms your day-to-day relationship with yourself from a place of harshness to one of self-compassion.
When we rely solely on quick fixes, we leave our inner critic in charge. Real transformation happens when we pause, drop out of our head and listen to the wisdom of our soul, thereby softening that inner critic.
Reclaiming self-love
Moving beyond surface level self-care requires practical, gentle shifts in how you treat yourself every single day. There’s so many ways you can approach this, but here’s a good place to start. 👇🏼
Unlearn the need to "earn" rest
It can be so hard to rest! Resting can feel counter-intuitive in our productivity driven culture. Often, we say to ourselves that we will rest only AFTER we have gotten through our to-do list. We treat rest as a reward that must be earned through productivity. And then we keep constantly striving and giving until we run on empty. No matter so many of us are exhausted!
But rest is essential maintenance for your body, mind, and spirit.
So today, give yourself permission to slow down and take a break without guilt or anxiety. Sit down with a cup of tea without your phone, do some slow, gentle stretches or sit in meditation. Allow yourself some space to do nothing. At least until you get to that feeling of “ahhhhhh” and your body totally lets go… you’ll know what I mean when you hit that point!
Resting is truly one of the most radical acts of self-compassion you can practice. I totally get that this can be hard, but once you start doing this, you will wonder why you hadn’t started earlier.
Soften your inner critic through your self-talk
We are far harsher on ourselves than we would ever be to someone else. Think of someone you love. Would you talk to them, or about them, in the same way you talk about yourself?
We hold ourselves up to this ridicilously high standard. If you were to say out loud your self-talk, would it be kind? I’m guessing not.
When you constantly measure yourself against perfection or an impossibly high standard, you live in criticism rather than appreciation. You will never be able to measure up to yourself. It’s almost like you are setting yourself up to fail.
Softening up to yourself means taking note of your self-talk. And changing it when you notice it.
You can also try shifting toward gentle self-affirmations and identify three things you love (or like!) about who you are right now. Write them down, and allow yourself to truly feel in to the feeling of “yes, that’s me I’m talking about”!
Nourishing & moving your body with intention
I agree that we have to eat healthy and exercise so that we are healthy. But this point is about being in tune with what your body really needs. So often, we are on rigid diets or a gruelling schedule of exercise. And that’s fine if that’s what your body needs.
What I’m talking about here is listening to your body's daily cues. For example, if you are really tired, tune in and feel if your body needs a different kind of exercise today instead of the one you push yourself through every day. Does your body want to move more gently? Or more explosive? Does your body really want that snack right now? Does your body want to eat that particular meal? Does your body want to eat at a certain time, instead of the regular schedule? It’s taking note of what you intuitively connect in to.
It’s not about making you feel bad for certain choices. It’s about really honouring what feels good in your body. AFTER you have eaten and exercised, is your body feeling happy? The kind of questions you can ask yourself is:
How can I move that feels good for me today?
What can I eat that honours my energy right now?
What can I do for myself today that my future self will thank me for tomorrow?
Small daily practices = deep transformations
Real self-love is built through small, intentional moments of tuning in. Here’s a few more ideas for you:
Morning heart check-in: Place a hand over your heart and ask, "What do you need from me today?"
Wear what honours you: Choose clothes that make you feel genuinely good. Like happy from the inside good.
Evening gratitude: Reflect on one act of kindness you showed yourself today. If you can’t find one, name one thing you are grateful for from today.
Ready to come back in to your heart?
If you are tired of carrying the weight of the world, running on empty and constantly feeling like you fall short, know you don't have to navigate the path back to yourself alone. I am available for one on one sessions, either in person in Point Cook, Melbourne or online.
I also created a self-love course to help you let go of that heaviness you might be carrying and to tune in to your heart and it’s needs. I created it, because I know what it’s like to be so harsh on yourself. I did that for many years.
In the 10 days of self-love course, you’ll be guided through meditations, reflections, guided daily tasks and wisdom bites designed to help you soften that self-criticism and tune back into your heart and soul's wisdom.
If what I’ve said above resonates and you're ready to be gently guided back in to your heart, let go of some of the harshness you've been carrying and into the deeper wisdom of your Soul 👉 Begin your journey with the 10 Days of Self-Love course today
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